Why “Love Yourself” is the Worst Advice
I get it now.
Seven years later, I finally get it.
The trick isn’t to just “love yourself.”
It’s to love yourself so deeply that you stop allowing anything that isn’t real, kind, or worthy into your world.
Not because you’re perfect — but because you’ve earned your peace.
The problem with “love yourself” is that:
Most people who say it don’t love themselves enough not to settle.
It’s often tossed out like a cute little bandage over real, raw pain — a way to explain away your singleness or silence your heartbreak.
It was one of the first things said to me after my 8-year relationship ended.
I wasn’t excited to “start my journey.”
I was numb. Heart-tired. Shattered.
And now I was supposed to… date myself?
Instead, I stopped believing in love.
And for a while, that felt easier. It was a clean break. No more false hope. No more expectations.
But something happened along the way…
The Real Journey
Self-love didn’t come in the form of spa nights or morning affirmations — not at first.
It came in the shape of breakdowns, grocery store meltdowns, silence, and Saturdays that felt way too quiet.
It would’ve been so much easier to fill the void.
To find someone — anyone — to distract me from myself.
But I didn’t. I stayed in it. I stayed with me.
And then…
One night, I cried every single tear my body could hold.
And the next morning, the sky was bluer. The sun was louder. The espresso hit just right.
I danced while meal prepping.
I took myself out on weird, slightly uncomfortable solo dates.
And slowly — so slowly — it started to shift.
What No One Tells You
This isn’t about loving yourself so that you can get the prize of someone else’s love.
It’s about loving yourself enough to never say yes to anything that dilutes you.
It’s not glamorous. It’s not a glow-up montage.
It’s:
asking, “If I met me right now, would I want to date me?”
realizing that if you want a man with ambition, maybe a full week of binge-watching and self-abandonment isn’t quite the vibe — (though yes, the couch and chips absolutely have their place).
It’s hard. It’s lonely.
You’ll feel forgotten by the Universe.
You’ll ask why it’s taking so long.
You’ll be so close to giving up — more than once.
But on the other side?
You’ll realize you have so much love to give.
So much softness. So much power.
And it would be crazy to stop wishing for it now.
A Note to the You in the Middle of It
You’re not doing this wrong.
It just hurts sometimes.
It’s heavy sometimes.
But one day, you’re going to look around and realize:
You became the person you were waiting for.
And the love you do let in?
It’ll have to meet you here — in this fullness, in this wholeness, in this truth.
With all my love and coffee cheers,
Nadia